why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
