He uses pillows to masturbate.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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