what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
