This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You're like the curious george of whores
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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