my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
