I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
