u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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