I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
