it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
