also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
