My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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