I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
