Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Randomize
