I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
