i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
