Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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