She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
