she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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