As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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