There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
