if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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