wanna go halves on a baby?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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