Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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