Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
