i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
