the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
