just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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