Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
His nipple licking is glorious
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