my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
