We won't sleep together?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
