We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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