I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
