Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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