I wish I could punch you in the face.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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