Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
this will be a night to untag.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Ladies don't puke and tell
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
