I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
