are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
