guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
