sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize