Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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