The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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