When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
