did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
