dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
