i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
