I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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