wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
