Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
