It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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