im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
