Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
