I didn't shave. On purpose
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
