My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
