I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I came so hard my ears popped.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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