There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
