In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
