Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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