I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
