i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize