i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
