Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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