I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
