so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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