Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
