it was like eating out sand paper
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
