i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
